Kiss and Cry
by Nobuko89
Summary: Five years. Five christmases. One happy ending. Nate/Blair.Blair/Chuck. Blair/Dan.


Title: Kiss and Cry (Part One of Two)

Author: Murder_Marie (Luna)

Pairing: Blair/Nate, Blair/Chuck, Blair/Dan.

Fandom: Gossip Girl.

Rating: R.

Summary: Five years, five Christmases. One happy ending.

_"Wherever I am, there always seems to be_

_This beating of two pulses."_

Utada Hikaru.

**Take One: Once Upon A Time...**

**i**

It´s Christmas eve in Brazil and six years old Blair Waldorf steps into the hotel garden where she´s sure she won´t run into any of the guests.

Blair spares one last glance back, where she can see tall slender women gracefully swaying in the arms of elegant men (like daddy) to the compass of music. Her eyes reach a group of elder women that includes Elanor, showering Serena Van der Woodsen with praises. Blair likes the blonde girl but can´t stand the way she seems to become part of the decoration whenever the young Van der Woodsen stands next to her.

It´s not fair.

Because she´s memorized everyones´s names and family conections, she and Dorota spent the past two weeks perfectioning her already natural charms.

Because Blair´s tried her hardest to stand up to the standars her mother set up for her, and all it took for her effort to vanish and become useless was Serena Van der Woodsen´s "natural good looks and blinding smile."

But most of all is unfair because she´s been gone for over one hour and a half and her mother hasn´t even noticed.

The unmistakable sound of the waves crashing down not so far away soothes the tight knot that refuses to leave her throat.

_No one´s noticed she´s gone._

The beach is not so far away and as Blair´s breath hitches and her eyes redden, she takes her shoes off and makes her way to the shore, where her feet sink into the warm flour like sand and the salty tears dry with the cool sea breeze.

Blair sit is no more than eight feet away from the sea and with the moonlight as her only company the little girl waits patiently for this failure of a night to end.

"Are you here to see it to?"

Blair´s back straightens up out of sudden fright because someone´s standing behind her.

And she´s alone, not even Dorota knows where she is and on the plane she read about kidnaps in Brazil, nine people were abducted by criminals per minute.

"I didn´t miss it did I?" He asks as he sits down next to her.

It´s a boy, about her same age and whose features she can barely make out in the moon lighted night but common sense tells her that he, just like Blair herself, scaped from the party.

If he rejected that social circus then maybe he isn´t so bad. Maybe she should be nice...

"Miss what?" Blair asks not curious at all, because boys her age only look forward to meaningless stuff, like cars and monsters.

"The ascention of the sea goddes" The boy answers in a whisper. "She takes the form of a shooting star and if you wait for her and leave an offer she´ll grant you a wish."

"Fascinating" Blair tells him drily and pretends to yawn so he get´s her message.

Being a boy, he didn´t. "It took me forever to scape from my father, he kept on introducing people to me. And adults are the most boring people ever."

Blair says nothing.

"You´re Blair Waldorf. You and another girl sang carrols before dinner."

_You and another girl._

_Another girl._

He didn´t refer at her as "You´re Serena Van der Woodsen´s friend. Where is she by the way?" like everyone she´s met so far.

She´s about to say something nice along the lines of "thanks and what´s your name?" But a flash of fire crosses the sky and the boy get´s up and runs towards the sea, and she can see the outline of his arm throwing what could be a rock to the ocean.

He runs back just as the midnight fireworks start and the thousands of colors that explote in the sky bring enough light for Blair to notice the boy´s dark blond hair and blue eyes, his dirty armani suit and loosened tie. He could pass as any other UES regular kid if not for the wild quality of his presence, of his stare.

It strikes her like lightning, Blair knows who he is.

Nathaniel Archibald, one of the younger heirs of the Van der Bilt empire from his mother´s side. That´s what´s written unde his picture in the social book her mother has given her.

It´s not enough, Blair decides she wants to know more.

When Nathaniel reaches her, he´s out of breath "You can still make a wish, you have time until dawn" he informs.

"I have everything I want" Blair lies.

Nathaniel smiles and Blair mirrowes him not really knowing why.

**ii**

Later that night after returning with her mother to their suite she sneaks out into the beach, and with her fingers grabbing tightly the diamond necklace her daddy had given her when she was younger. The one that has always made her feel like a princess. Blair takes a deep breath and saying her wish out loud throws the necklace to the sea.

Hoping It´s enough.

Elanor will be mad, she knows, but it´s worth it because even though Nathaniel barely spared Serena a second glance after they returned to the party and asked Blair to stay in contact she knows one day he´ll see...

One day he´d realize Blair´s nothing but a peasant when Serena is around, he´d realize it´s the blonde the one who´s interesting and captivating. That no matter what Blair does It´s Serena who effortlessly steals the spotlight and then Nathaniel will regret wasting his time in common and unspecial B.

And the searing pain that invaded Blair when her mother choose Serena over her would feel twice as bad, so with the crashing waves as witness Blair vows she´ll dedicate all of her avaiable time into becoming someone worth of her mother´s pride and of Nathaniel Archibald´s company.

**Take Two: Look at me, I´m everything you want.**

_And you don't seem the lying kind _

_A shame that I can read your mind _

_And all the things that I read there _

_Candle lit smile that we both share _

_Duvet- Boa_

**i**

It´s Christmas in Aspen.

The pale dawn light drowns the walls of the room in silver. The furniture, shrouded in white sheeted coverings, look like icebergs looming up out of the grayish darkness as Blair navigates her way across the room. Through the bay window in the east wall, she can see the world outside: white sky, white snow, the slender penciled shapes of winter trees. And on the window ledge Nate´s sitting. His legs, drawn up, hands clasping loosely across his knees. He´s looking out the window, and the faint light chases the planes of his face with silver. As Blair approaches, Nate turnes and looks at her. He seems unsurprised to see her there, or if he is, Blair couldn't tell. Nate's face is a mask.

It scares her, the fact that he always seems lost lately. Always finding a excuse to leave parties, social events and dates even, early.

"_Is it me? Have I done something to displease you? It´s this because you miss Serena?" She´ll ask frightened and the hardest of lies follows "I miss her to, do you want to talk about it?". And then Nate would babble something among the lines of : my parents, school pression, Chuck said..." _

It´s a vicious circle they´ve been trapped in for the past six months, not long after Serena left and late at night when the Upper Street Side´s shiny light turns off she´ll allow herself to suspect and it´s only then that the space between Nate and herself seems infinite enough to swallow the continent but not big enough yet to hold the misery that takes over instantly.

Blair sighs, and the loud music of the Christmas party downstairs gives her the sudden urge to grab Nate and drag him to the dancefloor, show him that they don´t need S to have fun.

She can be wild to, and though she´s long ago figured out that whatever´s been bothering her boyfriend has nothing to do with S and all to do with herself. Blair just can´t bring herself to ask because she´s not sure she will survive the answer.

_What if you´re not good enough?_

"I´m sorry." Nate whispers, and Blair´s attention focuses on him. She hugs him from behind and lets her chin rest on his shoulder, the smell of Champagne and Scotch invades her nostrils but she doesn´t draw back.

"What for?"

"Everything." He says and turns to her, standing up and closing the space between them. Holding her tight. Blair doesn´t know it but Nate´s hoping (in his nearly drunk state) for her to reject him. To realize she deserves better, to make the excruciating anguish that hasn´t left him since the night of his betrayal, fade away. Blair kisses his temple softly and then her big chocolate eyes stare lovingly at him...

_And god, you´re the lowest of bastards because look at her..._

She smiles up at Nate, not a dirty grin or a pretencious smirk. It´s a real smile, one that harmonizes along with brown hair and doll like skin, that smile makes her younger, more human. And he´s probably the only one who´s seen her like this.

_Look at her in the eyes and tell her._

Nate stares ar her, there´s no lust in his eyes but merely appreciation. The need to etch this moment into his mind.

_TELL HER._

"Blair I... There´s something you need to know." It takes a second for her carefree lips to wipe the smile off and for a worried frown to surface.

She´s about to say something, probably to remark how much she trusts him, how much she cares and that she´ll do anything she can to help him. But Nate stops her by holding up a hand, he doesn´t need to hear it. Hell, he doesn´t want to hear it. He feels like a worthless piece of scum. And after she hears it... Blair´ll leave him, and their solid relationship will crumble to the core and he´ll have to work his butt off to make her trust him again. And, just like in a movie, after a year or so of good behavior things would go back to normal, better even. Nate´s one night mistake with Serena won´t mean a thing if he proves himself worthy of forgiveness.

And he will, because they´re meant to be. Right?

"If you..."

_Say it. Just end with it and say it, you fucking son of a bitch be a man and say it._

His eyes avert away from her inquiering gaze.

_Be quick, she´s trying to read you., and why the fuck aren´t you looking at her. You had no problem sticking it to Serena fucking Van der Woodsen so now LOOK AT HER and take the consequences._

"First of all, I love you."

_But I´m a cheating asshole._

Her eyes light up with a glimmering of their own.

Blair tries to say it back but Nate cuts her in. "Don´t, I dont deserve it. After you hear what I have to tell you, you´ll hate me."

She tries to speak again but Nate interrumps her, completely decided to come clean. "What happened was that I ---------"

It´s a hell of a kiss what´s interrupting his confession, her arms are circled around his neck and Nate though stunned at first can do nothing but answer with equal passion. Never breaking their liplock Blair manages to push Nate onto the bed and her kisses turn frantic and desperate, she´s kissing him like both their lives depend on it.

Nate´s male after all and the champagne´s effects lead him away from the confession he had been so determined to make a few minutes ago.

It´s like flying. The sensation of Blair´s body over his, her perfect legs straddling his lap, her lips sucking on his neck in just the right way, in complete sinchrony with the agonizing rocking of her hips.

When has Blair gotten rid of the bodice of the dress she had been wearing Nate doesn´t know or care.

Her skin feels like the softest of silks and as her teeth bite on his ear gently his mind goes blank.

And when did his shirt come off?

And though the exquisite sensation of her delicate fingers trying to undo his pants is what his midnight fantasies are made of, this time it works as an warning. Nate´s made a vow to never let hormones fuck up his life again.

"Blair stop," He says between gasps. "What if someone comes in?"

"So what?" She moans while grinding against him, eyes dark with the intensity of her lust and lips slightly parted.

What is he doing? He was about to make things right. And his lust screwed things up, for the second time.

Suddenly the overwhelming sensation of rising above with Blair leaves him. And even though his mind accepts this isn´t the moment or place, a part of his anatomy refuses to back down.

Literally. And if she keeps on doing that... then things would get out of control, for good and not even his guilt ridden mind would save him. So without giving it much though, Nate puts his hands flat against her shoulders and pushed her off him. Hard.

Nate waits for his breath to regain it´s normal rythm.

"Nate" Blair calls from the floor obviously confused. "I thought you wanted to..."

He´s speechless because he dislikes her when she puts his needs first. It´s annoying having her always taking care of him. It used to be comforing, one more reason to love her, it revolts him now. He no longer deserves it.

"Before we even think about... about doing this... you should know. Something happened and you should know." He´s gonna go through with it. This time nothing will keep him from confessing.

Nothing.

"I have done something awful. I..."

"You´re ashamed of me aren´t you?" Blair blurts out suddenly.

"Ashamed of you?" Nate laughs, it´s become a foreigh sound both teens are surprised to hear. "Me. Ashamed of you. That´s kinda funny." It strikes Blair now that she´s seeing him. The real him. That his face has thinned, becoming more handsome, less soft and childlike. Harder. "Why would you even say that?"

"Because you barely spend time with me anymore. You´d rather sit in a dark corner and brood. And I know we swore we´d never become one of those couples that stay together because of a family arrangement or just ´cause it´s the easiest thing to do. But here I am barely dressed, trying to...you know be with you, and you push me away... Am I not atractive enough? Have you lost interest?" The five cosmos she had are what gives Blair the courage to speak her mind and is her pride what prevents her from touching the S-gone-Mia-for-no-apparent-reason- subject, she´s not that drunk.

Such low self steem "Of course not. I love you and I want to... you know ... to. It´s just that..." _I slept with Serena and you should hate me. _But he can´t say _that_ so instead he says the first reasonable thing that comes to mind. The big coward "You said you wanted it to be special and I..."

"I don´t care about special" Blair snaps in that authoritary voice every girl at Constance has learned to fear "I care about you. And I know there´s something you saw, said, or did. I get that it could be fatal for...(me) for us- But It´s all right, I don´t need to know about it."

"But Bla-"

"I don´t want to know about it." Blair states softly and Nate knows it´s not entirely true. "It´s all right." She tries to get close again but Nate takes two steps away, putting distance between them. Shakes his head and bites down the words that are about to leave his mouth. _Of course "It´s all right" now ´cause you´ve been drinking, and you´re all right when we´re making out because you know that what you don´t know won´t hurt you. But what about me? I love you and I spend every single second in your presence feeling like an asshole, wondering if you´ll forgive me. And if we had sex then it´d be all right for you to, because deep down you´re hoping a rustle in the sheets with you it´s gonna save our relationship. You´re leading yourself in the delusion that all I need from you is a perfect body to have sex with. Guess what? I was the one to fuck this up, yet It´s you who´s digging our grave, each passing minute I despise more and more how alike you are to Chuck. I used to believe you were real, at least to me, but right now all I get is the same "perfect girlfriend" parade you´re feeding to everyone._

_I´m done Blair. I tried to tell you... _

_I´m done_

**Take Three: Scotch and Diamonds are not (never will be) enough.**

"_Are you sticking with it because it`s all you`ve got?_

_Yeah, I think you`re sticking with me just because I`m all you`ve got."_

**i**

**It´s Christmas eve in New York and Blair Waldorf and boyfriend Chuck Bass will be hosting the senior Christmas eve dance in the exclusive UES Bass manor this upcoming wenesday. Aren´t you exited Upper East Sidders? I know I can´t wait to go. N and new girlfriend "docu girl" will attend as well.**

**Chuck and Blair forever!**

**Xoxo Gossip Girl.**

Blair closes her cell phone right away. Half irrititated, half tired.

_New girlfriend "docu girl"._

Of course Nate would be stupid enough to bring that** thing,** and though cunning plans formed in her mind to prevent the Brooklyn girl from attending the desire to see Vanessa ridiculating herself in a UES party was to big for her to ignore.

_Chuck and Blair forever._

Chuck.

It was alcohol what brought them together, and the intoxicating passion that overwhelmed them both what kept them that way.

Chuck Bass is like wildfire, Blair realizes one morning, spreading across her with no control or care about the damage he causes. Every cell and molecule of her being is consumed by his passion and wrecked down. And It´s all right for her because self destruction is something she´s been up for lately, the gagging sounds that fill her bathroom after lunch are proof enough.

**ii**

Blair hides in Serena´s room, the sight of those two...

It´s disgusting. She feels like pulling her hair out and screaming or better yet pulling Vanessa Abram´s hair out. Which would be unladylike but comforting nonetheless.

There´s knock on the door, probably Chuck. "Come in" she says, maybe Chuck´s dark charisma will lift her mood a little.

"Hey." It´s Nate, looking painfully handsome in his Marc Jacobs suit. _God hates you._ "I tried to talk to you but you bolted out of the room as soon as we arrived. It´s important"

"Talk then, I mean acording to some loon "we share a deep and meaningful friendship" Blair´s eyes roll on their own, who would say such a stupid thing really? She and Nate have been avoiding each other like the plague since they broke up and he started dating Vanessa Abrams.

It´s ridiculous, whatever friendship they had died long ago.

Nate´s line of thought seems to parallel hers because he frows prettily and says "Really? Then where have I been?"

Chuck would have said something snappy and clever where Nate just laughs, amused by his own comment. Blair laughs a little too. Nathaniel Archibald has always had the power to wash worries away, strip her insecurities off and she´s just Blair. She doesn´t have to prove anything to him, doesn´t have to rely in some elaborate scheme to keep his interest up. Maybe if she was a more forgiving person then they´d still be together, maybe...

Maybes and could have beens are useless when it comes to them, Blair´s mind clarifies, she tried to stick to a plan and he cheated. He tried to come clean and she took revenge, they said they´d try to be friends but she didn´t even had his new cell phone number...

That just served to prove that they were together or they weren´t . It couldn´t be any other way, because when he looks at her with those blue eyes and she knows it´s no longer her place to touch him, she can´t breathe. Cant´t literally breathe when he´s around. Friendship is not an option.

_What do you want Nate? Why the fuck are you here for, and god forbid you´re here to seek my help because I don´t want to help you. Though I most likely will._

"Where´s Chuck?" Blair asks. It´s the first thing that comes to mind that does not include curses.

Nate´s taken aback "I...Vanessa ´s explaining to him what our present is for."

"Oh, But Christmas is two days away, why are you delivering presents earlier?"

"Vanessa and Me are spending the holidays with her grandparents in Hungry. So since we´re leaving tonight I decided to come see you. Oh, and give you this... It´s my christmas present." He says nerviously, his hands are shaking a little when he hands her a small golden wrapped package. It´s heavy and small, probably jewelry. Blair´s overjoyed to find that even though she her lungs refuse to work properly at leat her facade´s still on. She leaves the package on the night stand, feighning uninterest.

"I´ll open it later." She states coldly "Weren´t you going to tell me something."

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk about... about what happened last year. What I did to you, with Serena. You need to know why"

Blair dedicates to him one of her fake smiles, the ones she fools the teachers with "That´s water under the bridge, you already apologised and I slept with Chuck as revenge. We´re even as long as I´m concerned."

"Blair you have to hear me out."

"I don´t have to hear anything." She snaps angrily. "Now leave. I have to change, this dress is uncomfortable."

"Blair please, I need closure. I need this..."

She starts to shake her head in refusal and with an elegant finger points at the door.

"Ten minutes, listen to me for ten minutes and then I´m gone. You owe me at least that." Nate insists and loosens his tie.

Blair sits on the bed, shoulders slumped, defeated. She does owe him. "One minute for each year we´ve known one another."

He nods.

"I´m listening." She says in a voice that doesn´t seem like her own.

Nate sighs "I always loved you. My parents were constantly fighting over business and my future. I could never really get close to them, they only payed me attention as long as I did what I was told. You sprouted out of nowhere one christmas night and became the person I looked forward to see every day. But something happened through the years. Social events, becoming queen b, parties... It changed you, sometimes I felt like I was talking to a stranger, to any other of your minions."

"They´re called the headbands and don´t act as the poor rich lonely boy whose cold bitchy girlfriend pushed into her best friend´s arms. You partied a lot to, once you and Chuck got so drunk at school the captain and Bart had to sponsor the school´s refactions to keep you both from expulsion. And my status at constance changed me? What about you freaking becoming St. Jude´s golden boy. The constant compliments and the girls following you must have been so traumatic. Poor Nate." Blair mocked acidly.

"No, that wasn´t traumatic at all but you know what was? You... being so hellishly perfect all the time. I could take it before because at least with me you were different, you showed yourself with no restrictions. But one day you just stopped, you barely talked about anything not regarding parties, booze or gossip girl. And you sure as hell spent a lot of time being secretive with Chuck. You made me feel inadequate."

"Inadequate." Blair echoes drily.

"Yeah, when it mattered you always went to Chuck. Like that time...what´s her name? The one you say´s always trying to steal your place:"

"Penelope"

"Yeah, her. When she tried to break a fight between you and S, who did you seek help from? Who?" he asked, voice dripping years of reprimed anger.

Blair looks away.

"Chuck freaking Bass. I was nothing to you! Just a walking piece of arm candy. Something to show to your young wannabes."

His words pierce her like broken glass. "I never knew you felt this way. But no matter what you say it won´t justify cheating on me with Serena. You said you´d tell me why."

Nate runs a hand through his hair, obviously as affected as her by the weight of the past. Their past.

"You left the wedding early, claiming something about mismatching shoes. And I stayed with Chuck , Serena got pissed so I tried to get her home but... things got out of control and... I was mad at you, I called you several times but your cell phone was off. I was angry and a little drunk and Serena was there... I felt so alone."

"You felt alone? That´s seriously your big fancy explanation? It´s a stupid reason, Nate. But since you´re being honest I´ll show to you the same courtesy... I left the wedding early because my mom... called me, hysterical, apparently she found my father and her personal trainer in an intamate act. If you catch my drift. I was in shock, I mean they´d been fighting over silly stuff lately but, it wasn´t something I expected." Blair said in a small voice, clearly ashamed not of her father but of her role in the circumstances. She failed to mend her parents and Nate relates to that, his anger fades leaving him worn down.

"I never...I didn´t mean to.."

Blair laughs bitterly, her anger to, has drained her of energy. "Of course you dont and you never. It´s who you are Nate, you only see the things you want to see. It was lucrative for you to see me as the one who put distance between us. When in reality it was both of us. I tried to hard to makes us work, to be perfect. And you never tried at all."

"Maybe if we´d had this conversation two years ago." Nate laments out loud.

"Maybe´s are nothing but a loser´s comfort. Your ten minutes are up by the way. Leave, I have to change." Blair orders weakly.

"Poor Vanessa she doesn´t know the mess she´s dealing with." Nate jokes, with an air of nostalgia Blair can´t help but find adorable.

"At least now you´re aware you´re a mess. Things will work out. I have faith in you." Blair says honestly. To love is to want the object of your afection to be happy, someone had said in a movie. And if the curly haired hippie made Nate happy, she was okay with that. Painfully ok but ok nonetheless.

"Well, that sets you apart from the masses because at the moment I´ve been catalogued as a only-good-for-sex- guy."

Both laughed lightly, amused. The previous tension dissipating like morning mist.

"Yeah, but don´t tell anyone, I have a reputation to keep up. So if anyone asks I´ll say I violently despise you."

"Any other dark secrets I should know about?"

Blair frowns, thoughtful. "I can eat a sundae without using my hands"

"Impressive."

She hesitates when she says "And when I said I forgave you, I meant that."

Nate´s about to say something but a knock on the door prevents him from doing so. Vanessa´s voice comes from the other side, "ummm, Nate we´ll miss our fly. Chuck´s giving us a ride, so I´ll wait for you with him on the limousine ok?"

"Ok" Nate agrees quickly. They had been themselves for a while, before reality stormed in, in the shape of Vanessa´s voice and Chuck´s existence.

"You should go."

"I... Yeah, I should. Thanks for everything" Nate kisses her on the check before turning to leave. Sending a warm sensation through her body.

"What are friends for," Blair says lightly and the bright smile she had lost so long ago returns to her face.

Nate smiles one more time before finally exiting the room. He came looking for closure, to end things the right way with Blair and he fullfiled his task. So why is he so unsatisfied?

The limo comes into view and inside Vanessa smiles at him brightly. This is what he likes the most about the filmmaker, she doen´t care about expensive clothes, reputations, what people say about her. She is beautiful and exotic, refreshing and carefree.

In other words what he´s been looking for (in Blair), and most likely the best option for him, Vanessa wouldn´t care if he stopped wearing suits or quit attending galas and dances. He has always hated formal get togethers. But... Blair.

Nate´s mind wants Vanessa, arguing that retaking a relationship with Blair would only bring back old problems, his heart refuses to listen and keeps asking for caramel eyes. It´s the legendary mind vs heart battle.

Beside him, Chuck and Vanessa laugh almost histerically. He feels jealousy tugg at him, but it has more to do with pride and possesivenes than with the terrifying rage that invaded him when he found out Chuck had slept with Blair.

At least they´re friend now, a voice says in his mind. Nate doesn´t know whether it´s talking about Chuck and Vanessa or about him and Blair.

**ii**

Blair looks for Serena among the dancing crowd on what hours ago had been the Bass´s living room. She doesn´t know whether she´s looking for the blonde so she can cry in her arms or if she´s about to send their friendship to hell. At the moment she´s an emotional salad of rage, depression, joy and nostalgia. And now that someone´s been poking her in the back irritation summs in. She turns around fastly.

"Humphrey" she mumbles surprised. "What do you want?"

"I´ve been looking for Serena and I was wondering if you know where she is because we had this fight and I was--- what are you doing? Where are we going? Are you taking me to see Seren---" Blair lets go of the firm hold of his hand she had taken so she could led the way out of the building.

"Shut it already." Blair orders softly. "I don´t know where Serena is but I need to talk and you said once... That if I ever needed someone to listen you could be that person."

"Oh, yeah. I remember but I kind of have my own problem at the moment with my girlfriend being gone and I can hear you all you want tomorrow. So if you´ll excuse me." Dan babbles while gesticulating with his hands to the building they had just exited.

Fast as lightning Blair grabs his arm, calling up his attention. "Please, I really don´t feel like being on my own right now."

Dan shots a glance at the building then at Blair, then at the building again, before turning his back to it and sighs. "Ok, should we get a coffe or maybe we could talk back at the party."

"No, let´s go eat something. I havent´t had luch or dinner"

"Busy day?"

"Nah, I needed to fit into this stupid size cero dress." Blair confesses. "But I can´t ignore the growling of my stomach for much longer. I´m feeling like eating a Lenki, and luckily for us the Finnish restaurant is not far away. What do you say?"

"Sorry to dissapoint but my dinner consisted of some snail-thingy that I had to pretend to enjoy so Cece wouldn´t start a rant about how "unfit" I am to date her grandaughter. So if you want me to listen we better head to my loft. My father´s lasagna will make you forget about whatever genky is."

"Ugh, I had forgotten how narrow worldly common people were. But I guess I´m all right as long as you have beer."

At this Dan´s eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Blair Waldorf drinking beer, what could Chuck have done to leave you in this state?"

"All in time, Cabbage Patch, all in time." Blair says as she stops a cab.

Dan dad´s lasagna is like he had promised, "seriously awesome" and after downing two cans of cheap beer Blair still can´t find the courage to speak about what happened earlier with Nate, their talk had brought closure to their failed relationship. But it also brought to surface the fact that Blair is pretty much still in love with Nate. It hurt, because now she couldn´t even try to hate him or avoid him. What possesed her to think they could be friends? She can´t help but blame Serena. It´s the easiest thing to do.

Blair stuffs in more Lasagna as to keep her mouth from spitting out these _so wrong_ thoughts. Because look who she´s chosen as her momentary confident? None other that Serena´s boyfriend and the best friend of the girl Nate´s dating. And the fact that said momentary confident has been staring at her with googled eyes doesn´t calm her nerves down at all.

"What?" She finally asks, a little rude but the alcohol is to blame for that.

"Just wondering why haven´t you choked to death yet. The way you´re going at it, it wouldn´t surprise me if you have been following some anorexic diet the past month." Dan replies.

Blair pushes her plate away, it´s sudden and Dan flinches at the sound, after drinking what was left of her fourth beer she says "Past two months actually, but let´s quiet about the pain of beauty and move onto you´re fight with Serena."

"I thought you wanted to talk about Chuck. Besides Serena and I have agreed to stop getting random people mixed into our bussiness."

Blair ignores the part about Chuck "I´m not random people, I´m the person who knows Serena best, probably the only one who can help you fix things with her."

Dan hesitates for a while and sighs, Blair smiles he´s clearly given in. "Ok" he agrees.

The brooklyn guy has blown the thing out of proportion, Blair realizes as he unfolds his tale. Apparently Cece still holds a strong dislike that borders hate for Humphrey men, and the Van der Woodsen matriarch pushed the right buttoms because before the waiters could serve dessert an angry Serena had already stormed away from the table.

Nothing a simply apology and sex won´t fix she advices Dan. But he, who as Blair herself is more than a little tipsy replies by making a face at her.

Blair laughs so hard her ribs hurt. "What is " she wrinkles her face in the same way he previously did "supposed to mean?"

Dan laughs too and replies "That I don´t feel like apologizing, that I´m tired of Serena´s bad ass past. I can deal with it if it stays, you know, past. But someone or something always ends up digging it out. And the more I know the less I like her.I feel like the guy who discovered the aleph in J.L Borges story. Like I found something amazing and other wordly but I just can´t keep it for long because it´s too much. To intense for me to bear."

What´s she supposed to say now? She could poison his mind against S, could fill it with disgusting stories that would drive Dan away from Serena forever, and Blair wouldn´t even have to lie. She decides against it, she´s not that bad, so instead she gives Dan a corny speech about how you´re supposed to fight for the things you want that makes her feel like a hypocrite because when has she fought for Nate? Why didn´t she react when Vanessa showed an interest for him?

The answer comes painfully clear. It was her arrogance and pride, she never actually believed it would work out. Never even considered that Nate would have a steady happy relationship with such a girl, just like she had never thought her own relationship with Chuck would slowly die as they became an officially couple. They hadn´t had sex for over a month. Yet the gossip blogs kept on spreading rumors about their flaming sex life. True is she was far to busy with school and Chuck far to obsessed with the company his father had left in his care.

"I always liked his work." Blair says, wanting to change the subject. "Borges´s I mean. He´s one of my favorite spanish writers along with Pablo Neruda"

Dan seems taken aback at this, though pleasantly so. "Really? I didn´t know Upper East Side girls knew how to read. Until now Serena´s showed no sign of interest in literature."

The hours flash by quickly and Blair regrets not finding out earlier that Humphrey was so peculiar to be around. Finally someone who could intellectually challenge her. They laugh and talk like old friends and when Dan offers to put some of his dad´s music Blair forces him to dance with her.

Thay laugh some more.

They talk some more.

Later that night, an epiphany strucks Blair.

Nate feels like flying, rising above everything and everyone and just being herself. He´s a smile permanently on her face, the warm sensation that pools in her stomach when he´s near. The uncomparable pleasure of the wind caressing her face and so many things that make her happy and whole.

Chuck feels like fire, consuming, aggresive and unstoppable. A challenge and the need to win that has little to do with love but much to do with passion.

And as Dan Humphrey kisses her she realizes that unlike the previous two Dan cannot be compared to strong forces but more to soft sounds. He´s a melody of averageness she´s never heard. Tastes like cheap chocolate and smells of soap and grass. His hands exploring her soft curves and moist crevices bring a pleasure that Chuck´s intensity failed to achieve but that stays mediocre next to the ectasy of love that she only got with Nate.

They lay in his bed, Dan´s arms around her and she rests her head on his chest, hearing the muffled beat of his heart, as regular as the ticking of a clock.

"Do you regret it?" his voice cuts the silence.

"Kind of, I wish I had gotten more drunk, then I could have played the "I wasn´t myself" card" Blair jokes lightly.

Dan smiles and both ignore the fact that they`ve done something unforgivable to the person they had claimed to love. Neither feels guilty and that´s the worst thing about it.

**iii**

Blair realizes that god must really hate her or something because to have the guy you´re in love with come and close things with you forever. And then fall into the arms of you´re best friend´s socially invisible boyfriend it can happen to every girl. But to wake up from a needed after sex nap to find your best friend taking a picture of you and her boyfriend on bed, and she´s wearing an expression that pretty much say you´re dead.

That´s when you know God hates you.

iv

The airport´s full of people and one would think that finding Chuck Bass in the crowd wouldn´t be dificult due to his eccentric taste in clothes. But it takes Blair forty six minutes to find an scowling Bass leaning against a wall, luggage and butler naturally not far behind him.

"Hey." Blair calls to him and inmediately regrets it. Hey? Really? She shakes her head in order to clear from unwanted thoughts and guilt because he didn´t deserve that, specially after he became monogamous just for her.

"Hey. I´d give you a goodbye hug but I don´t want Humphrey´s dna on me." Chuck smirks gloomily.

"I took a shower. And I..." What´s she supposed to say? She feels awful like some low class women who´s in the presence of an honorable out of her league man. It´s unbearable and it hits her just now that that´s how Nate must have felt, all the times he had tried to come clean and she hadn´t let him.

"You´re sorry? You were drunk and just an inoccent victim of the circunstances?" Chuck´s voice pulls her away from her guilt trip over Nate. "Excuses don´t work with people like us."

"His sex appeal tricked me. What am I saying I can´t be tricked by something that doesn´t exist." Blair tells an amused Chuck who at this flashes a half smile. "And I know this is it for us."

Laughter is the last reaction she expected from Chuck. So she asks "What?"

"I never expected to be the victim, I always assumed you´d find out about me sleeping with other girls and would beat me with one of your Louis Vuitton."

"Are you crazy? I wouldn´t ruin a new purse over somethig as trivial as you Bass." She jokes, his infidelity damages her pride and ego but she doesn´t have the face to get mad at him. It was a long day, she doesn´t feel like fighting.

"Chuck and Blair forever!" a group of fourteen years old yell from across them.

"I already told you to fuck off!" Chuck´s shouts back. Then focuses his attention back on Blair and cringes when one of the girls says clearly "...adorable, he loves her so much he can´t stand the idea of other people looking at her...so forgave her...meant to be... Blair Bass..."

"Youth is ruined" He concludes sourly.

"Well, at least we´ll always be reedemed, I mean some twisted theory will appear on a Blog about how I slept with Dan because I thought I didn´t deserve you."

"And I´ve been spending my time and money in brothels because I love you just that much." Chuck adds. Both laugh heartedly.

"So, are we good? I mean really ok, or is this one of those breakups where you´ll avoid me and I´ll avoid you and it´ll be just to uncomfortable."

"I cheated on you several times Blair, I think I´m not entitled to storm out all offended and swearing revenge. Besides who´d I plot with? Things are good as long as you decontaminate yourself." At this Blair grins widely. She wouldn´t be able to stand earning two mortal enemies in one night.

"Mr. Bass, fifteen minutes for your fly." The butler informs. Chuck nods in the butler´s direction.

"So, where are you going Bass?"

"Hungry. My broken heart needs some time away." He mocks. "What about you? I don´t think Serena´s reaction is something to look forward to. Why don´t you come with me. Nate and Vanessa won´t ..."

"I´m not scared of Serena." Blair cuts in before Chuck can say something more about Nate and Vanessa´s perfect relationship.

They talk a while, about themselves, about school and finally about the irony of life. It was alcohol what brought them together and also the thing that would catalyst their breakup.

As she retires from the airport Blair sees a plane in the sky and though it probably isn´t Chuck´s she still smiles happily for she hasn´t lost one of her dearest friends. Inside the cab, she remembers Nate´s gift and takes out the package from her purse. Slowly and unsure she opens it, inside lies a big pinkish seashell.

She puts it on her ear and smiles at the memories the sound brings.

**Take Four: To Love Prejudism.**

_It's never enough no matter how many miles stand between us this is love_

_My hands are shaking time was never on our side  And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye  As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times  It's never enough  No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love_

_**Delta goodrem, Last night on earth.**_

**i**

It´s Christmas eve in Florence and the rain pours down mercilessly over the antique city. Blair closes her umbrella the moment she enters the Archibald´s summer house. She´s been here before, these walls and the smell of home made calzone that comes from the kitchen bring precious memories back.

"Blair, you´re here" Nate greets from the end of the hallway, he half runs towards her and surprises her with a tight hug. The phisycal welcome makes Blair uneasy for the dizzines that being close to Nate comes back full force. It´s not like they haven´t seen each other. But with college (Yale!) and Dan taking most of her free time. Everytime Blair and Nate met it was with their respective couples and also with Chuck and his tart of the week.

"How was your flight?" He asks as he leads the way to the living hall, the one who has a balcony with a splendid view of the whole city, she wonders if he remembers it´s her favourite part of the italian manor and a look at his smug face tells her he does.

"Good, Dan fell sleep and I drawed a fake moustache on him" Blair tells him, she knows it´s not really something in character for her. But Dan´s mockable vibe just brings her childish side out. She´s thankful for that.

At the mention of Dan, Nate´s eyes darken with what she wishes is jelousy. "Bad ass" he remarks, neutrally.

There´s an uncomfortable silence for a while and Blair´s glad for that, she no longer wishes to fool herself with the fantasy that he´s still her boyfriend and that this is their romantic getaway. Only to be pulled back to reality by Vanessa or Dan bursting into the room. It´s happened before, they being alone and forgetting the outside world. It´s not worth it, it hurts. Blair changes the topic as to light the mood up "So, did Vanessa do well with Genevieve?" or she changes the topic to hear just how much Nate´s grandmother oposses to Vanessa dating the Van der Bilt heir. She smirks in anticipation.

"They got along pretty well." He answers weary.

Blair snorts "You don´t need to lie Nate."

"I´m not lying! They spend over five hours talking nonstop about art and Korean, Dutch and Italian movies. My grandmother liked her so much she´s even pressuring my mother into marrying us already." He snaps defensively.

Blair can´t breath, and stands up from the french styled sofa. She wants to yell, to ask is this is a joke, but her mouth is too dry and her lips refuse to move, intead they form a really meek "o".

Fate, of course, chooses that moment for an all dripping wet Vanessa to appear, wearing a short green dress that with the water sticks to her skin completely, leaving very little to imagination, she has slender legs Blair is surprised to find, as she looks the girl up and down. And to make things worse her long, now straight hair shimmers like a sheet of dark sparkling glass. Vanessa looks astoundingly beautiful and at the moment Blair loathes her with a passion so intense she can´t even bring herself to utter anything, instead she just closes her mouth. Pursing tightly her lips. And looks away when Nate and the filmmaker share a kiss, and finds that Chuck as well is averting his eyes.

Interesting.

"You said you held no fear for the rain," Nate taunts to his gilrfriend who´s accepting a towel from a maid.

"I´m not the one at fault here, Mr. Big diva over there." Vanessa points at Chuck, who like her is drying his face with a towel. "whined about getting a pulmony and his clothes being ruined."

Instead of making a snidely remark Chuck just smiles at her. "Some of us are high maintenance"

Vanessa laughs and approaches Blair to give her a peck on the cheek as a greeting. Then asks "Where´s Dan? He told me he´d have lunch with us"

"He´s calling Rufus, and checking in at the Hotel. He´ll be here in less than an hour." Blair informs, Vanessa nods, understanding.

"Why don´t you guys stay here?" Nate offers and Blair feels a sickly satisfaction at the way his features harden when she answers "We need privacy."

At this he just nods and Vanessa and Chuck exit the room, they might have said something about taking a shower and changing clothes but Blair didn´t really pay attention.

"So..." Blair starts a few minutes later, when she´s sure Vanessa´s out of earshot. "you scared me for a moment there with the marriage joke." Nate shots her a "you think I´m lying?" look "I know it´s not true because your girlfriend and Dan have a two hours long phone talk everyday. He´d know and he wouldn´t arrive empty handed if an engagement party were to take place. I´ve trained him well as far as presents are concerned."

Nate sighs bitterly "That´s because I haven´t asked her yet, my mom insists I give her the family ring. So I´ll most likely propose on the Christmas eve party." He sits and rests his head in his hands, looking older and worn out. No trace of the lively boy that greeted her earlier.

"But... Why? I mean you´re too young, both of you. Why don´t you wait a little more, what about college?" Blair hates how desperate she sounds. "Why follow Genevieve´s whim?"

Nate raises his head and she compares his state to the old statues that harbor in the city. Beauty and decay. " I have no choice. If I don´t do it, my grandmother won´t include my parents in her will."

Blair takes a deep breath and closes tightly her fists to keep the tears at bay. "So... Vanessa Archibald. It sounds good." She deadpans.

"Not as good as Blair Achibald would." Nate whispers softly. And her head jerks up in his direction.

"Are you making fun of me?" She snaps angrily.

"I... "he stutters. "I love her don´t get me wrong but... I´m still in love with you. I´m asking you... to..."

Blair closes her eyes in pain. Hearing those words from him in this particular situation make her feel as if her she´s been turning inside out. And then the bitch in her, that Dan had somehow tamed, comes to life. "Pathetic, you are one pathetic idiot Nathaniel Archibald."

He blinks, confused. And then replies sourly. "There´s no need to insult me. If you´re over me just say so."

"What if.. What if I wasn´t? What if I told you right now that I have loved you, thought about you, needed you with a intensity that scares me, all along. What would you do Nate? Would you turn your back on your family and two years long girlfriend to be with me?"

Nate´s expression says everything she needs to know, he´s not sure.

"I thought you´d react this way. You never want what you can have Nate Archibald just what you can´t."

Nate meets her steely glance with a thoughtful one. "I..." he tries to say.

Her voice comes out uneven, she´s struggling not to cry or yell. "No, Nate. I... nothing. You can´t have me. You had this past year the opportunity to leave her and to pursue me. You didn´t. You lost."

With that said, Blair exits the room and practically runs her way into the car that awaits her outside. It takes Dan the whole night to soothe her tears.

**ii**

Dan has written seven stories about Blair, she´s read none. In time, he says when she pesters him about it. She´s tried to take them by force but it´s only unleashed a wild pillow fight that left Blair with hurting ribs (laughter brings pain!) and a horrendously messy hair.

So as both rest on the balcony, Dan´s arm around her shoulder. She wonders if in those stories they´re a happily ever after. When she asks him about it out loud Dan grins maliciously and says that she´s the one who has to answer the question. Blair gapes at him, unable to formulate an answer. And Dan bables about the novel he´s working on. It´s about a brooklyn guy, he tells her, about how he falls in love with his childhood best friend but when she fails to notice his love for her and she leaves. The brooklyn guy finds himself atracted by the complete opposite of the girl he had loved, he falls for a high society blonde who has a dark past that brings nothing but chaos into the guy´s life. Then, he says exited, heartbroken by realizing he does not love the blonde and that the love he felt for his best friend had turned into a fraternal kind of love. It´s then than he meets a high society brunette which is better, he clarifies to Blair´s personal delight, he learns a lot through this spoiled, scheming girl. (Blair smiles and holds onto him tighter.) He learn that she´s hurt and tired of pretenses. The brooklyn guy tries to heal her and in the process comes to care deeply for her and to notice he´s not the one she´s in love with.

"What does he do?" Blair asks, voice low and frail.

"He decides he loves her as a friend and that he wants to be a part of her life." Dan answer, in front of them the sun starts to raise above the italian city.

"Will he find love?"

"He´s got tons of sex appeal, he´ll manage." Blair feels the ghost of a smile, a real one, tugging at her lips.

"What about her, the brunette, will she have a happy ending?

"Blair, that´s for you to find out. As for me? I´m glad I got to meet you, before you I ignored the whole bad carbs dilema."

Blair stays in Dan´s arms for hours, both to at ease to move, and knows that she too is glad they met. Before him she was a spoiled rich girl whose love was inmature. If not for Dan she´s not sure she´d even think about going to talk to him.

Of arranging things before attacking.

**iii**

Once Blair enters the bar she can´t help but feel delighted, it brings so many fun high school memories. And most of the memorable ones include the guy who waits for her in a table by the corner.

Chuck Bass.

"Long time no see." She greets as she sits in front of him and orders a drink for herself.

"Your fault, if you had left Humphrey in the discount store where you found him. We would have spent more time together." He takes a sip from his scotch..

"Vanessa wouldn´t have liked it that way. You know how much she just loves Dan´s company." Blair said in a voice as sweet as honey.

Chuck looks away and replies "Somehow I don´t think you came to catch up."

"And you´re right. Like you said we´re one and the same, only I´m prettier. So it should come as no surprise to you that I know."

Chuck says nothing, instead he refills his glass.

"You honestly thought I wouldn´t figure it out? Or maybe you assumed I wouldn´t care."

Chuck again, chooses to stay silent.

So Blair procedes to explain. "You wear you heart in your face Chuck, you can´t hide how you feel. Luckily for you, you feel nothing for most people. Nonetheless I´ve seen the way you look at her. It´s the way my mom looks at Cyrus , the way you never looked at me." Blair says lightly. "I never even considered you´d be able to look at someone in that way, always assumed you thought it to be beneath you."

"I have no idea what or who you´re talking about." Chuck says casually. "But if this some jealous fit your trying to pull, it´s not working B."

"You think you can make me look stupid? You think I´d let you?" Blair snaps, her patience wearing thin. "I´m not here to congratulate you or to offer you an advice. I´m here to warn you Chuck. Stay. Away. From. Her."

"Aww, Look at you Blair. I´m so proud of you, fighting for other´s people interests that have nothing to do with your own. If I didn´t know you better I´d say you´ve become selfless." He mocks, and Blair´s anger diminishes.

"You´re right I´m selfish, just like you, and I don´t care about her at all. I care about Nate. I still love him and I don´t give a damn if he doesn´t deserve me loving him. He´s emotionally weak, get´s confused easily and god he never makes up his mind, so he pprobably doesn´t deserve it, but I love him and his happiness matters to me, because that love I have for him, **it´s mine**."

Chuck ducks his head but he´s still looking at her, with an unnerving oblique look of recognition. His face is so familiar to her, but at the moment he´s a stranger. Blair knows he´s in love with Vanessa but has no idea of how that happened.

"I always said that you and I were one and the same. That´s why it could never work. I don´t trust myself." He whispers in that seductive tone she had forgotten he´s capable of. "In order to be love, trust is a must."

"That´s cheap poetry. I´ll assume you won´t try anything."

"I´ll stay and get drunk and maybe time will fade the way I can´t breathe when she´s around."

"Bad news, the breathing thing doesn´t go away at all."

Both stare at each other, sadly accepting reality.

It´s Chuck who breaks the silence. "Well, I say we get up and get drunk somewhere with a better view. And by better view I mean girls."

Blair rolls her eyes and follows him outside the bar.

**iv**

"Polite people knock." Blair says coldly when Vanessa enters her bedroom. The filmmaker looks stunning in a white long dress and hair pulled up stylishly. Tonight is her and Nate´s engagement party. What on earth is she doing there, Blair can´t help but wonder.

"Dan told me you weren´t coming."

"So?" Blair asks irritated. She feels out of place sitting in her bed wearing her big Yale shirt.

"I wanted to talk, about tonight, about Nate and you." Vanessa explains calmly.

"What is there to talk about? You are gonna marry him and as far as I´m concerned there hasn´t been a Nate and I for over two years."

"Do not insult my intelligence by implying nothing´s been going on" the filmmaker argues, though not a trace of anger is in her tone.

Blair snorts "I no longer hold a torch for your fiance if that´s what you´re worried about."

"Ummm, Last month you personally threatened the skull and bones member´s into leaving him and his family alone. You´re right, that´s not a torch Blair. That´s a freaking bonfire." Vanessa exclaims lightly.

Blair shrugs unfazed. "He´s still a dear friend of mine. I would have done that for anyone"

"No, you wouldn´t, unless you loved him. You know, I first thought you two shared the same kind of friendship that Dan and I, the sort of bond where you just can´t stay away and need to protect one another. But this past three months my doubst increased. And I´ve come to accept that you are the one he wants to be with."

"Then why did you say yes? Why did you agree to the engagement?"

Vanessa has the grace of looking embarrased. "Because after Dan and I not working out, Nate pops out of nowhere into my life, he´s this kind, hot, interesting guy and I was so hurt. He seemed like the best option, the easiest road to happiness. So I clung to him, believing that one day I´d fall for him when in reality I just love him the same way I love Dan. And the sex is great but that´s hardly enough to keep a relationship afloat. So to cut things short, I came to give you this " Vanessa hands Blair a ring, it´s not any ring. It´s the Van der Bilt ring. "It belongs to you. Always has, always will."

Blair is astonished, the oddest of expressions in her face. "Thanks." Then gets dubious. "But, what should I do. It´s not like I can just crash into the party in my Yale sweeter and no pants. Send Genevieve to hell and steal Nate in a very twisted "I oppose" style right?"

Vanessa opens her closet door and with wave of the hand call Blair´s attention to the huge amount of clothes. "You´re Blair Waldorf. You´ll think about something, evil cunning plans are your expertise" She frowns "though this isn´t evil at all. When you´re ready there´s a car outside. It´ll take you to Nate. Ummm... I know this will sound cliched, but I´ll risk it. If you hurt him..."

"You´ll kick me brooklyn style" Blair interrumps grinning.

"No, I´ll tell gossip girl about you wearing a two sizes larger Yale t-shirt on a saturday night." She theatens.

Blair laughs, Chuck´s influence is quite obvious. "Where... I mean what are you gonna do now?"

"Well, I didn´t get this pretty to stay indoors. Dan and I will go hit a club, hopefully music and alcohol will soothe our broken hearts." Vanessa mocks dramatically with a hand over her heart. "Chuck´s already there."

"Does Dan know that He´s about to party with a Bass?"

"Nope, but I get the feeling tonight is the night those two get along. Miracles do happen."

"Advice? You can make that miracle happen faster with a Chardonnay or two."

Both females burst in giggles. The idea of Dan and Chuck acting as friends is to ridiculous for them not to. But once upon a time the idea of her and Vanessa Abrams becoming almost friends was also laughable.

It strucks Blair with the weight of a brick wall that she owes the filmmaker. And even if she didn´t she´d still chase after her to tell her.

Because Dan´s tale about why he and Vanessa never worked out rushed into her mind forcefully.

"_She was always oblivious to my advances. No matter how many poems I wrote about her, she always pegged me as her best friend. By the time she figured out I was in love with her, it was to late."_

It had been longer... but that was the meaningful part. So as she chased the tall girl Blair was filled by a certainty. She could not let this girl waste another chance because she payed little atention to the men in her life. So Blair tells her about Chuck`s feelings for her. And Vanessa´s answer leaves her stunned.

"I love him to." The filmmaker says firmly "We´ve developed a really good friendship."

Blair makes an impatient sound that resembles a refined ¨argh¨Because honestly! "It´s not like that. He has a romantic interest in you."

Vanessas´s eyes are huge in surprise and she tries to say something but Blair´s voice prevents her from doing so. "Go have fun, whatever happens you can talk to me about it later, somehow I doubt Dan will be a good confident in this matter. But right now I have to ... what are you smirking about?"

"Us! We´ve grown up. I never thought you´d reach such a level of maturity. Here you are facing a relationship that has too many expectations, and also too many ways of getting hurt. It takes courage to do that and I admire you for it. Now, I see why Dan likes you."

With that said the filmmaker leaves Blair alone, who after being surprised into silence goes back to change into something more fit for the ocassion.

**v**

Nate is waiting for her on the ponte Vecchio bride over the river arno . The lights sparkle like fire behind him. It`s a beautiful sight.

As she comes out of the car she can feel the cold wind chilling her. They stay facing each other but say nothing. His eyes gaze into her face with such an intense longing that make Blair nervious. "Look Nate, about what I said the other say I´m really-----------" Sorry she had meant to say. But before she could even think about it. Nate catches her by the arms, pulls her forward and kisses her.

First it´s sweet and slow, the flighty sensation that dulls her senses. Then it becomes like lightning, striking through her. And even though the wind is almost arctic, Nate´s lips are burning hot, his temperature is the same as that of Blair´s own boiling blood. The heat of his hands reaches her shoulders, scorching through her dress. Blair insides seems to liquify, transforming into molten metal, and the heat ran through and through her, scorching her veins , turning her bones to glass.

It´s a cough, a faked one, what makes them pull apart.

Blair `s heart tries to beat it´s way out of her ribcage, but she manages to stay calm. Beside her Nate´s cheeks are flushed and his lips have swollen. She´s probably in the same state, if not worse.

She doesn´t care though.

The Butler that interrupted them finally speaks up. "Young Master Archibald, you mother and Ms. Van der Bilt are awaiting for you and your ," He spares Blair a wicked glare "fiance inside."

Blair´s pulled abruptly fom her dazed state by the butler´s words. As soon as he´s gone she turns to Nate, expecting him to explain.

Nate chuckles and with a hand under her chin, tilts her head up so she´s looking at him.

"It´s not a party anymore. It´s a quiet family dinner with my mother and Grandmother. We´ll tell them we´retogether, and if they approve fine. And if they don´t we´ll have dinner elsewhere."

Blair pulls away, and the previous cold returns. "But, what about Genevieve´s will. What about..."

Fast as an arow Nate takes a hold of Blair hand and staring at her straight in the eyes says. "My parents can take care of themselves, I already lost you because of the pressure they put on me, it´s not gonna happen twice. Nothing they say or do will make me go back on my choice. You are the one I want. It´s us, Nate adn Blair. Together there´s nothing we can´t face.."

Nate´s gaze is so determined that Blair can do nothing but flash a bright smile and nod. Keeping one hand on his and the other inside her dress pocket, taking hold of a pinkish seashell.

Together they walk towards the restaurant, ready to deal with whatever comes their way.

* * *

**Author`s Note: I`ll post in two to three day an epilogue, called ****Take 5.**

**Be kind and leave a review!**


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